S02E10 - King Dinosaur

Plot

Short: A reckless driver is killed in a traffic accident and is taken to heaven, where he faces a judge for all of his automobile and pedestrian crimes. His guardian angel during his time on earth describes his reckless behavior in detail.

Film: A strange new planet entered the solar system, so a rocketship carrying a team of four scientists is sent to land on the new world and discover whether it is inhabitable. Upon landing there, the scientists discover that the planet is very similar to their own, with Earth-like vegetation and animals. They also discover other, more dangerous species during their journey, including a terrible creature once thought extinct.


Movie Review

This episode of MST3K marks the very first "short" of the series that isn't from a serial, and the short selected, X Marks the Spot, is a doozy. One of hundreds of thousands of corporate, educational, and government shorts made between the 1930s and 1960s, this short takes the serious subject of traffic safety and dresses it up in a ridiculous short story.

It's never easy to make an educational film that's interesting to the general public. Someone just straight-talking into a camera about rules and regulations makes for a very boring video, even one that's only about twenty minutes long. So it's understandable that the message could be better conveyed if wrapped in a fictional narrative. However, such a tactic can backfire if said narrative is executed poorly, since any weight of the intended subject matter disappears under a layer of cheese.

And X Marks the Spot is dripping with cheese. It tries to treat the subject of auto and pedestrian accidents with reverence, but using a guardian angel who cracks jokes and who shifts frequently between lighthearted and serious is frequently jarring. And all of the dialogue is the type of dialogue found frequently in both films and shorts such as this back in those days: stilted, unnatural, and silly.

The cherry on top comes at the end, when the judge of the case against the dead reckless driver turns over deliberation of the man's verdict to the audience. This is the short's way of reminding the audience of all the information demonstrated, and asks them to remember their own driving habits before considering condemning the man for his poor driving. While done with good intentions, it only makes the short tacky.

In short (heh), this is a refreshing change from all the serials shown in earlier episodes, as it offers a glimpse into the world of American life and how others tried to shape it. And it's part one of one, meaning no future parts to wear out their welcome.

And now for the movie itself, King Dinosaur. This movie is actually the fourth movie shown on MST3K that was directed by a prolific B-movie director called Bert I. Gordon. His earlier "masterpieces" were Rocketship X-M, Jungle Goddess, and rock climbing...er, Lost Continent, and while all of those films were atrocious pieces of cinema, King Dinosaur manages to outdo them by being the worst of them all (so far).

The story isn't even a story, it' a setting: four scientists use a rocketship to fly to a new planet called Nova in the solar system, and stuff happens. Like many other films that have a thin plot, this movie's so-called story is more like a vacation video without any real narrative. The scientists arrive on the planet, and they go places, meeting animals along the way. Does this sound like an interesting "plot" at all? Things only get "interesting" when they scientists encounter more dangerous animals, like a crocodile and then a "dinosaur," and even this doesn't really qualify as a plot as much as a random encounter. Only at the end does the film tack on some kind of explanation for their actions, and it's half-assed at best, completely lazy at worst.

Speaking of lazy, there is certainly no effort put into the writing in this film. There are two male scientists and two female scientists on the expedition, and while the film's introduction does introduce all of them by their professions instead of generic "science professor" (I'm looking at you, Slime People), on the planet they quickly revert to their sexist stereotypes. The men become the strong protectors and the women become the weak damsels in need of protection. At least there was only one forced coupling in the group instead of two.

And what of the eponymous King Dinosaur? It turns out to be a giant iguana with horns glued to its head. Also incredibly, the scientists mistake it as a Tyrannosaurus Rex (or something resembling it, which even then is stretching it), which stretches the credibility of the film to its breaking point. Beyond the iguana, the movie liberally uses stock footage for much of its padding sequences, from atomic research tests to wild animal documentaries to nuclear bomb tests. It's not hard to believe that nearly half of the entire movie feels like it came from some other movie.

Oh, and special mention must be made of the ending. After encountering the King Dinosaur, the four scientists run to get off the island where they found it. Before they run, however, the leave a nuclear bomb and start its timer. Why? Because it's apparently a good time to use it. They escape the island safely and take cover (behind a small hill, heh) before the bomb explodes and obliterates the island where they found the dinosaur. And the blew him up because...they didn't like it?

And what does one scientist say after the blast? "We did it. We brought civilization to Nova." Either the film makers were in on how bad this film was, or this line was uttered without any irony. If the latter part is true, then holy hell, they really screwed the ending up big time! Was it meant as a subtle anti-nuclear tract, which every movie seemed to be doing around this time? Even if so, it still doesn't explain why they decided to nuke the island instead of just run away.

King Dinosaur is apparently Gordon's first movie ever, and it really shows. The films he would make later are marginally better, but then again, having one toothpick shoved up your fingernails is marginally better than two.


MST3K Review

This episode had some really good riffing throughout. While not entirely a classic episode, the jokes were strong and the energy was apparent throughout. The short itself proved to be a smashing success, allowing Joel and the bots to focus on a one-shot instead of stretch things out over a couple parts like with a serial. And the movie also brought out some good jokes from beginning to end, making this one of the stronger episodes of season two so far.


Stinger Review

For the episode's stinger, I would've elected to go with the scientist saying without irony, after the nuclear blast, that they had brought civilization to the planet. But since this likely wouldn't have fit, the selected stinger suffices. A showcase for Bert I. Gordon's horrendous editing, it shows a woman screaming into the camera before cutting to a man staggering in an open field and then collapsing (with no accompanying scream). The jarring jump cut doesn't even make much sense in context, making it a perfect ending scene for the episode.