S02E08 - Lost Continent

Plot

An experimental nuclear rocket somehow veered off course during an important experimental launch and crash lands somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. A couple of Air Force pilots, a mechanic, and several scientists are sent on a mission to see if they can retrieve it. During their search they find themselves on an island emitting a strange radiation, and after climbing the island's massive mountain they discover they have landed in a lost world.


Movie Review

Rock climbing. Rock climbing rock climbing rock climbing rock climbing. Rock climbing rock climbing rock climbing? Rock climbing rock climbing rock climbing rock climbing rock climbing rock climbing! Rock. Climbing.

Okay, so the first paragraph may be dabbling in a bit of hyperbole, but there is a reason why this film is infamous for a particular portion involving, yep, rock climbing. Remember how I said that The Ring of Terror was one of the worst examples of padding that I have ever seen? Well, Lost Continent doesn't quite get to that level, but it certainly exploits the proud B-movie tradition of film padding as much as it inhumanely can.

First of all, what kind of plot would require this kind of extensive padding? Well, how about a blatant ripoff of The Lost World, with dinosaurs existing where humans do not go? The concept itself is not absurd (much), but some of the additional plot devices, like a nuclear rocket happening to crash on the island and some tacked on anti-nuclear screeds, do stretch the limits of believability one has to endure. Even so, one would think a decent story could be derived for this kind of setting, even one based on a previous story, right?

Wrong! Oh, so wrong. After the crashing of the nuclear rocket (with reused footage from Rocketship X-M, interestingly enough), the film takes its sweet time actually getting to the island with some characterization that ultimately adds nothing of value to the story, and then takes its sweet time getting to the actual lost part of the lost continent (i.e., the peak of the island's giant mountain). So how do they accomplish this lengthy padding? With rock climbing. Twenty minutes of rock climbing. True, there are some pauses here and there for some unnecessary exposition, but for twenty full minutes the audience is forced to endure watching the characters make their way up the mountain with boring shot after shot after shot of rock climbing. Again, it doesn't reach Ring of Terror's level of absurdly unnecessary story, but it's still an endurance test to watch people do something that adds nothing to the plot.

And even after the end of the rock climbing sequence, the film still pads the story with meaningless encounters and lots and lots of walking through obvious jungle sets. This film is so determined not to show anything related to the actual plot that it's a complete chore to sit through. And adding to that chore are the film's characters, or the hollow caricatures that are meant to represent the characters. From the heroic pilot who cannot trust others to the painfully unfunny comic relief to the laughably stereotypical scientists, no one stands out as interesting in this film. Oh, sure, some semblance of actual character development is made late in the film, but it's flimsy at best and insultingly shallow at worst.

So is there anything good that can be said about this movie? Well, some of the effects shots showing dinosaurs looked all right, but those can be attributed to the movie One Million B.C., movie makers' favorite source of dinosaur stock footage in the 1950s, so it's not exactly a compliment. Oh, but here's something that he movie should be complimented on: they killed the annoying comic relief character, and thanks to some screwed up editing, none of the characters offered any kind of mourning or eulogy for him. So there's that, at least...

For a movie shot over the course of eleven days, Lost Continent isn't a completely worthless result (kind of like Rocketship X-M), but its negatives far outweigh its positives. And rock climbing...no more rock climbing...please...


MST3K Review

This isn't one of MST3K's strongest episodes riffing-wise, but it does have some good gems that are enough to elevate it a little higher than average. Many of these gems are found, predictably, in the infamous rock-climbing sequence. You can hear the frustration in Joel and the bots' voices as they are forced to endure one of the most agonizing twenty minute segments of film shown in the series thus far. There are some other moments outside this sequence as well, but Lost Continent will forever be defined by rock climbing.


Rock climbing.


Stinger Review


After an unexpected stinger break in Wild Rebels, the stinger returns here with an incredibly weird conversation moment. One of the characters, talking with one of the scientists, says a string of sentences that seem unrelated to each other and respond to unanswered words by the silent "doc." The way he delivers these words makes these unnaturally flowing sentences even more awkward. Like The Ring of Terror, it's not the most memorable of stingers, but unless Best Brains crams the entire rock climbing sequence in, there's nothing else available in this film.