S03E01 - Cave Dwellers

Plot

Long ago, during ancient and barbaric times, a mystic discovered a great power source that can be used as a terrible weapon if it should ever all into the wrong hands. Before he can properly deal with it, a savage army led by a ruthless warlord invades his castle. The mystic sends his daughter in search of Ator, a great warrior whom the mystic had tutored years ago. Now Ator, his trusty companion, and his mentor's daughter must set out to save the mystic before the power source is found by the warlord.


Movie Review

After watching this piece of dreck, Joel and the bots proclaim it to be the worst movie that the Mads have ever shown the SOL crew. Personally, I don't agree that it is that big of a cinematic abortion, not when train wrecks like The Mad Monster, Robot Monster, and King Dinosaur exist. Still, Cave Dwellers is a treasure trove of stock fantasy cliches and tropes, all made worse by some lazy story writing and lazier production values.

The second of a trilogy of films made to capitalize on the success of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Conan films, Cave Dwellers is pretty much a standard run of the mill sword and sorcery flick with no attempt to be clever or interesting. Laziness permeates every frame of this movie, from the set pieces to the performances to the writing. Even the film title itself is a lazy name, as the titular cave dwellers are even barely in the movie all that much (of course, one can blame the English adapters of this Italian film for changing Ator l'invincibile's original name). And that laziness also extends to several poor shots in which modern things like sunglasses, handrails, and and tire tracks can easily be seen in such an "ancient" time.

Perhaps the most grating moments in this film, outside of the aforementioned laziness, are the performances, especially the mystic and the warlord who capture him. They both seem to have gone to the William Shatner School of Acting and continuously...punctuate their speaking with...pauses that make...no sense at all. One person talking like this is enough, but two is just aggravating. The other characters just give bland performances typically seen in low budget fantasy flicks, meaning they're not worth discussing in the slightest.

Then there's the story, which is laughably bad. The MacGuffin of the story, the Nexus (that terrible power source) is barely even mentioned in the movie except in the beginning and at the end, and even at the end it might as well have never even existed. A brief but poorly written flashback describes Ator's previous movie, and after that it's off to the races of the cliche fantasy epic travel sequence, in which Ator must travel from his cave "at the ends of the earth" to the mystic's castle to save his mentor. Somehow the film glosses over the fact that the daughter arrives at Ator's cave fairly quickly and yet the journey back to the castle takes much longer, even going through a lengthy cave (with cave dwellers, even!) and through a snake cult's territory. It's more or less Robot Holocast Syndrome: journeys between two points differ greatly depending on who goes on them.

Despite the obvious low budget of this sword and sorcery flick, there are some decent moments here and there. The most memorable was when Ator was fighting a giant snake that looked fairly believable, though the poor lighting likely contributed to the effect. But there are also dozens of incredibly silly moments, like when Ator leaps from behind a rock and somehow creates an explosion at his feet. Also the warlord's evil magician claims to be all powerful, but the movie never makes clear exactly what his spell does (only that he did it, which we never really see). And then there's the hang glider...a bloody modern hang glider in ancient times. And could the film makers have at least tried to keep things consistent by not adding what look like samurai warriors into the battles?

So again, Joel and the bots are entitled to their opinion, but Cave Dwellers is nowhere near the worst movie they have ever seen. It's not quite as entertaining as the goofy Robot Holocaust and is plagued by generic decisions everywhere, but it still has its moments and is very watchable in its own way.


MST3K Review

After the bad taste of the second season finale, the Best Brains crew returns with a much better effort for the start of the third season. A lot of strong riffs were found in this one, and the watchability of the movie also contributed to the enjoyment factor. I honestly don't know why the movie scarred the SOL inhabitants so badly, but as the theme song says, it's just a show, I should really just relax.


Stinger Review

"Thong...the fish is ready." Perhaps not the most thrilling or memorable of stingers, but still quite a goofy moment in the show, especially with the way that Ator moves when he speaks. Interestingly enough, unless a cut was made that I'm not aware of, the stinger merged two scenes (Ator's speaking of the line and his companion Thong fishing in the river) that weren't together before. Personally, I don't see the need for it, since Ator's line was silly enough to carry the stinger; no need to end it with Thong grabbing fish with his bare hands.